life in one year

not long ago, I had a life. in one year, I lived a whole life. it was not another's life, it was my life, but not the same. it's like I was given the chance to live my life again, to live another life.

it helped me learn a lot of things, about the world, the people and about my self.

in the beginning, I was unknown for everybody, and I knew nothing about my surroundings. little by little, I learned to communicate with the people around me, how to move, I knew who were friendly and who I should stay away from. I had good times with friends, but the most important for me was to work hard. I earned acknowledgment from some of them as hard worker, but what I really wanted was to spend more time with them, to get along with them. before I could realize they were gone, and I was in a very similar situation to the one of the beginning.

I wanted to relax, to enjoy some free time, but I had very little to chose from, because I knew few people to hang out with. after all, it was my fault, because when there was a chance to party I didn't go, so it made sense that when I wanted to party there was nothing. I did as much as I could with my time, and it was not too bad after all.

the second half was like a second chance. this time I was not completely unknown, and I wanted to keep a balance, to work hard but also have a good time with friends. but sometimes they were not so easy to reach. furthermore, since the beginning I discovered some mistakes I often made, and I tried not to do them again, but I didn't try hard enough. I became more like the people I shared more time with; I guess some of them also became more like me. but still, language was a big problem. even though I did my best to understand them, I tried to improve my language skills, I felt like I just couldn't understand the world around me, and I felt like the world around me didn't even try to understand me.

the last thing I learned is that, some of the most important people for me didn't think of me as one of the most important ones, and some of the people who I didn't think of as some of the most important thought of me as an important one. it's very confusing, I know. but things are never like they look like, appearances are deceiving.

I got to know so many people, I thought I had many friends, and now there are only traces of all that. I learned so much about life, but still I wanted to have more time, one more chance so that maybe this time I didn't screw it all up.

I don't want to live a life like that again, I learned my lesson. I swear I wouldn't be the same again, I would do it so much better, if I was given the chance.

meanwhile... could I change my real life?